I am just returned from a 9-day intensive training with world elder Byron Katie called "The School." There are so many things on my mind and in my heart about this profound experience that haven't yet found their way into words. That may---or may not---come with time. But there is one story, a small but significant one, that I want to share with all of you reading this.

My selected roommate was a younger-than-me Chinese-American woman from Columbus, Ohio. We had an immediate and warm connection that grew throughout the week as we struggled to understand ourselves and each other in this somewhat foreign territory called The Work. In time, Katie's "Four Questions and a Turnaround" became almost second nature, but as we first entered the process, it required such a paradign shift that both Po and I were having a hard time grasping all its elements.

Every night when we'd return to our room (after grueling but joyful 14-hour days), Po would ask me questions: "Meredith, do you mind if I ask you about...?" And then she would explain a particular problem in her world for which she wanted some guidance.

Since all of Katie's work is directed toward inner inquiry, though often with the help of a facilitator, we were practicing all day, every day, from waking to sleep. Whenever Po approached me with a question, I would refer her back to the worksheets and her own inner wisdom. This was not what Po needed or wanted from me.

On the next-to-last day, we were to fill out a "Judge Your Neighbor" worksheet on our roommates and tell them, straight up, how we experienced them. Po and I had already congratulated ourselves many times on our good fortune to find each other so we thought this would be a slam dunk. It was not, and that was because Po Chu, The Little Peacemaker, had something very important to teach me.

She had just minutes before this exercise asked me another question, and when I wouldn't give her a straight answer, she wailed, "Meredith, I know you know something, and I want you to tell me!" I hugged her and said, "Thank you, and no." I was still believing that the best approach was to always follow the simple directions we were given. In this one instance, that was not where the lesson was waiting, but in breaking the instructions for a moment of true listening.

Back in the room for the exercise with our roommates, Po confronted me with holding back from her. I justified: those are our simple instructions. "Don't advise. The wisdom is within." But then Po gently explained that her culture approached this issue very differently from the Byron Katie culture or the Western world at large. In her culture, it is considered an honor to approach an elder for advice, and an honor for the elder to give it.

Suddenly I was looking at myself in a new light. I'm the facilitator of "The Living Spiritual Elders Project," and was at the same time refusing to accept the request of a young woman for an elder's advice. In fact, I was holding back from her, out of what I thought was her best interest. But my holding back was not bringing her peace; it was causing her stress and a feeling that she was "less than" me because I wouldn't trust her with my true assessment of the questions or problems she laid at my heart.

In this case, listening to the rules of the program brought some degree of suffering to Po when I was thinking "peace." Listening to her more carefully, and being fully present to her needs would have meant peace in and for both of us.

One of Byron Katie's most exciting challenges to those who come to The School is that we're doing the work of peace-making by withdrawing our projections and dealing our our judgments straight on. As I see my own face in another's, I am less likely to do any kind of action to hurt them. Po helped me to remember all the times I approached older women friends in my desperate search for truth, and pleaded with them to teach me everything they knew so I could borrow that wisdom, use it, and pass it on. With Po, I failed to see the connection until she kindly and lovingly held it up in front of me: "I want what you know. Trust me enough to give it to me."

Po has now returned to Columbus, and I to Maine. I tell this story with her permission and with my gratitude to her for helping me to see that my culture is not the only culture, my values not necessarily the best, and my thoughts not always (maybe even not often) on the mark.

Po made sure the bridge was constructed between my way and hers. That allowed us to meet in the middle and find a solution to what was hurting her. For this experience and many other small and great moments, I bow in gratitude to The Little Peacemaker from Columbus. And readers, one day, I suspect you will all be hearing about Po Chu.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Meredith Jordan,